I'm just so glad this isn't in my city ... this time...

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid—Einstein

Headline: "We hate math," say 4 in 10 -- a majority of Americans. (Obviously the calculation of percentages is one of the areas we hate the worst...)

Headline: Midget sues grocer, cites belittling remarks.

I have nothing additional to say. They already stole the punch line. 

Female trap shooters aim to end homelessness
 
Well, that's one way...

This great article teaches you how to survive the zombie attacks after the world ends on May 21. I find that many of these suggestions are the same ones you should use to survive a visit to the DMV.

http://www.cbsnews.com/2300-204_162-10007826.html?tag=page

A Tabasco-Free Facility?? I don't wanna work there!!

News Snippet: This poor man had cadillacs removed from his eyes!!

News Snippet: Person reports to police that his skateboard was stolen while he was robbing Santoro's Market...

Ooooh, ooooh,

pick the kitten, pick the kitten!!!!

Headline: Arsenic in city water nothing to worry about.
 
In related news: The guy in your doorway with the ski mask and chainsaw is nothing to worry about. Morganza Spillway opening is nothing to worry about. That growth on your neck is nothing to worry about.
 
Hmmm... No matter how many times they say not to worry, I guess there are some things I will still worry about...

Ohhhh --
If only this were true!!!

And the congregation breathes a sigh of relief.

How to tell that you've been driving I-49 from Alexandria to Baton Rouge too many times: Today I noticed that Randy, the ex-armadillo outside of Livonia, had lost yet another leg.

And, not for the first time, Sandee wondered why no one invited her to participate in the Horseshoe Drive Elementary School bake sale anymore.

This great Randy Newman song, Louisiana 1927, has been on my mind lately as I ask,"Is Ma Nature just really perturbed at us down here in Louisiana lately?" http://youtu.be/MGs2iLoDUYE

Great bumper sticker sighting:

I may be old, but I got to see all the good bands

Public Service Announcement: Tips to avoid alligator attacks... Don't swim in waters inhabited by large alligators. (Duh?)

I'm sorry, but I think this police sketch artist was "less-than-motivated".

Headline: Missippi's literacy program shows improvement.
 
With apologies to my friends in "Missippi" and Mississippi...

Horse was sunbathing, not dead!

You'd think they'd have noticed her misting fan, margarita, and sun bonnet.

Great Mom's Day Gift and Free Offer!!

If you order my book on Amazon today and then email me at Christee@Christee.biz, I'll send you a free autographed bookplate to put in the book. This is a limited time offer because I'm not rich and can't afford to mail a million of these things.
 
It makes a one of a kind gift!! And just think, whenever I kick off, it will be worth more money. But let's not try to rush that process, okay????

I'm confused. It's been two weeks since I gave Uncle Sam his allowance -- and he's still complaining about being broke? Somebody obviously missed Miss Turner's business accounting class.