Thought for the day

Some people call it “mowing the lawn.” Others say “cutting the grass.” I just say it’s a good reason to buy a goat.

Great idea for the week!

Planning for the week ahead?
 
Arrange for a sock puppet to give your presentation at a staff meeting. (Be sure she’s wearing earrings. Trust me, sock puppets just look better with earrings.)

Quote for today

Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical. --Yogi Berra

Quote for Today

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
- W.C. Fields

Quote for the Day

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin

Why I love being a writer...

Writers never have to admit they’re unemployed as long as they can afford to print business cards that say, “Writer.”

Quote for today

I learned in school that money isn't everything. It's happiness that counts. So Momma sent me to a different school. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Thought for today

They say that you can’t fit a square peg into a round hole. I say it depends on the size of the hammer.

Happy Birthday to Erma Bombeck!

The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.

***
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

***

On skiing: I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.
***
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
***
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
***
People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.
***
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?
***
I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
***
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me.
***

Thought for the day

I never make the same mistake twice. I usually make it 3 or 4 times.

http://www.facebook.com/christee.atwood

Thought for today

     

    My husband wrote on Facebook: That's not a REAL zebra. She just painted a squirrel." At what point should I start to worry about him?

Quote for the day

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions. - Elayne Boosler 

facebook.com/christee.atwood

Erma Bombeck Tribute

All of this started on FaceBook -- please join me there as a friend anytime: http://www.facebook.com/christee.atwood
I just felt like continuing it as our tribute leading up to the birthday of Erma Bombeck on Feb 21.

February 15: Today is not only Cheap Chocolate Day, but also starts the week leading up to the birthday of a hero of mine, Erma Bombeck. I'd like to start the celebration with a quote of hers, "Seize the day. Remember those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart."

Anna Roark LeJeune Oh yea! I don't ever turn down chocolate.

Christee Gabour Atwood Oh Anna ... Chocolate... drool... My favorite right now is dark chocolate -- the stuff that I wouldn't eat as a kid. Now I understand why Mom hung around while I emptied out my Halloween bag...

Scotty Drake ‎"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."

Christee Gabour Atwood Another absolutely wonderful quote from Erma!! I love that one.

Rebecca Blair Tisdale Erma-----what a woman!

Christee Gabour Atwood Amen to that!

Sonja Spahn She's my hero, too! Thank you, Christee, for the smiles.

Patty Davis My favorite Erma quote was something like: Cleaning the house when you have children is like shoveling the sidewalk while it's snowing. (I'm sure she said it better, but you get the idea).

Christee Gabour Atwood Oh yeah -- she had great quotes about kids. Like: I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Checkout Time is 18 years."

Rebecca Blair Tisdale Erma didn't make this one up, but a teacher friend of mine told me about the "1890 Rule" concerning kids. When you turn 18, you've got 90 days to get a place to live and a way to pay your bills.

Christee Gabour Atwood Ha! My parents are still trying to get rid of me. They probably wish they had used that rule.

Sonja Spahn My fave book was The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side of the Septic Tank....ahh, the source of this famous quote: It was either Thomas Jefferson – or maybe it was John Wayne – who once said, “Your foot will never get well as long as... there is a horse standing on it.”

Christee Gabour Atwood Haaaa! Love it! And it's true. It's also true that you can lead a horse to water, but if you try to play water polo with him, he'll drown. That's one of mine.

Sonja Spahn How about Marco Polo?

Christee Gabour Atwood Marco...

Rebecca Blair Tisdale Polo (hey! I waited 2 full minutes before replying, hoping someone else would do the dirty deed for me)

Christee Gabour Atwood Thank goodness!! It was killing me!!!!

Christee Gabour Atwood I also can't stand hearing ... Shave a a haircut ... without the two bits.

Christee Gabour Atwood Does this make us OCD? AR? or just plain crazy?

Sonja Spahn I cannot answer, I am busy shaving that haircut...I think you must have meant "shave AND a haircut" but you wrote "shave a haircut"...not OCD in ANY way!

Christee Gabour Atwood You don't shave your haircut?

Christee Gabour Atwood I'm loving our tribute to Erma Bombeck. Think I'm going to run over and repost all of this on my blog at ElasticWaistbands.blogspot.com. Feel free to join me!
 
And that's how it all started. Feel free to add your favorite Erma Bombeck quote to our list!

Thought for the day

Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.
It makes it hard to breathe and your face doesn’t really care anyway.
 
christee.biz

Quote for the day

I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes. - Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck

February 21 is the birthday of a hero of mine, Erma Bombeck. So, I'd like to start the celebration week of with my favorite quote of hers:
 
Seize the day. Remember those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.

Quote for the Day

christee.biz

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. - Oscar Wilde

Feb 17 Program

I'm excited to be part of the Alexandria Museum of Art's After Hours this Thursday, Feb 17 at 6p. Come laugh with me as we talk about my latest book, In Celebration of Elastic Waistbands: Episodes of Imperfection, Insanity, & Occasional Enlightenment! (I write like Erma Bombeck, but without the good grammar...) And we'll include a Q&A for aspiring writers too!

Happy Holiday!

One of my favorite holidays is coming up this week!! Feb 15 - Cheap Chocolate Day! christee.biz

Booksigning today

I finished one book while still on pain medication after surgery. It was magnificent writing, however it did require significant editing due to the excessive use of the word “gnaarglespact.”
 
Getting ready for my booksigning this afternoon from 1-3 at Ann's Hallmark in Alexandria, LA. Come play if you have some free time. We'll be recording videos for our new YouTube and you're invited to be a star. No acting experience, financial considerations, or good taste required. Offer void where inhibited. Licensed drivers only.

Star in our new video!

If you're in the Alexandria, Louisiana area on Saturday, February 12th between 1pm and 3 pm, I'd like to invite you to join me at Ann's Hallmark on Parliament Drive and be in the video for my new book trailer!
 
If you've read my book, In Celebration of Elastic Waistbands, you can come and do a video review that we'll put on Amazon. If you haven't read the book, you can come and read a line from the introduction. We'll be editing these together into a fun new book trailer on YouTube ... and you'll be a star!!!

Come play with us!

Book quote for today

Cleanliness is next to godliness. Further down the line is the creative redecoration of dirt.

Booksignings Stink

Check out my article on today's blog tour on why booksignings can be a snooze-fest and what we can do to make the world safer for those poor people who walk by our table full of books...
Booksignings Stink

Zen thoughts...

I read the fable of a man who moved a mountain with patience and a spoon. All my life I’ve been waiting for someone to give me caffeine and a bulldozer.

I still giggle

Some commercials from years past still make me giggle. Just can't help it. This is one example.Toyota Celica -
It just looks fast!

Book Trailer

Join us this Saturday 1-3 as we videotape a new YouTube Book Trailer at Ann's Hallmark in Alexandria, Louisiana! Book Trailer for In Celebration of Elastic Waistbands: Episodes of ImperfectioN, Insanity, & Occasional Enlightenment

Booksigning Saturday

This is going to be fun -- This Saturday, February 12, I'm doing another booksigning at Ann's Hallmark in Alexandria from 1-3. Come join me as we tape the next YouTube video! I'll be getting folks to read short sections of the book that we'll post on YouTube -- and anyone who has read the book is invited to do a video review that we can post on Amazon. Come play with us and be a star!!?? Or you can just come and throw things at me. That's okay too... I'm a lonely person...

From the book

Workplace Slang: "We’re like a family around here.” The actual translation is “We’re just as dysfunctional as your family, including your Uncle Pete who insists on wearing that silver lamé dress to Thanksgiving dinner each year.” 

Quote for the Day

I love to have other people tell me their opinions. It gives me a chance to catch my breath.



The Book Trailer on YouTube!

Deep thoughts for today

I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need if I die by four o’clock this afternoon. - Henny Youngman

Click here to read excerpts from my book!

Question:

Authors -- How do you get people to review your book on Amazon? I need ideas! Amazon

Request

If you've read In Celebration of Elastic Waistbands, please visit Amazon and rate or review it! Thanks!

Amazon

Virtual Tour is on!

Join me on my blog tour Thursday Feb 3 at 
http://pamelakkinney.blogspot.com/

I'm back!!

My recent time in Mexico reminded me that I still don't have a grasp on the Spanish language. Well, either that, or every waiter was asking me if I wanted cheese on my shoes.