Sunday, July 31, 2011

I hate my boss.
She gripes at me constantly, pushes me too hard,
and never believes my excuses when I call in sick.
Self-employment's tough.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.  -Kurt Vonnegut

Friday, July 29, 2011

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Sign at Yellowstone National Park?
No Celery Phones
Especially if they've gotten to that rubbery stage. Hate that...

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

So, it's March 15 and he calls the police to report that his outdoor Christmas decorations were smashed.
What's wrong with this picture?

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

There's a saying, "When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras."
Or at least detergent, not drugs.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Used cement instead of cilantro. And with my cooking, nobody noticed the difference.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Not really sure this sign was true for Arnold this year.
Perhaps it should be reworded, "Dads love some surprises!"

Don't know who took this photo -- but kudos to you, wherever you are!

Saturday, July 23, 2011

$5 Pictures of Beer!
I can do better than that.
Free Pictures of Money!!

Friday, July 22, 2011

Headline: City rejects claim by mauling survivors -- lawsuit is next step.

Dang! They could have just said no.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

The World's Worst Blueberry Pie Recipe:

Pork, Water, Salt, Sugar, Spices, Paprika, Sodium Phosphates

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Headline: Semi rig carrying fire extinguishers catches fire.
Would this be the definition of irony?

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

One picture is worth a thousand words... or at least 65 feet. 

Monday, July 18, 2011

Monday = Lowered Expectations.
Today I will try not to go to the Bahamas in my mind when people are talking to me.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Quote from candidate for Board of Education: The top half of students are well-educated. Bottom half receive extra help. But the middle half we are leaving out. (Be afraid!)

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Because everything in her home is waterproof, the housewife of 2000 can do her daily cleaning with a hose.
If only....

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Monday, July 11, 2011

Headline: Woman in sumo wrestler suit assaulted her ex-girlfriend in gay pub after she waved at man dressed as a Snickers bar
How much more is left to put in the article?

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Today's Public Service Announcement: Red flags to look for when buying a used car.
Salvage yard = No

Saturday, July 9, 2011

SIGN: Don't let worries kill you. Let the Church help. -- Honestly, I'm not sure this is effective advertising.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Headline: Army vehicle disappears.
First line: An Australian Army vehicle worth $74,000 has gone missing after  being painted with camouflage.
Thought: But wasn't that the point?

Thursday, July 7, 2011

"Learn from the mistakes of others, because you can't live long enough to make them all yourself." - Eleanor Roosevelt. Great woman. This photo caption - not so great...

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Today's Lesson: Find and Replace

Using "find and replace" is nice and easy in documents, but it's usually a good idea to accept each occurrence separately rather than to accept all without checking. Why? Because you could find yourself going from May to June issue by simply searching and replacing all the Mays with Junes. That would be fine if one of your columnists wasn't named "Mayo". Congratulations on the June column, Mr. Juneo.

I would never mention the name of the publication, but it starts with a C and ends with an enla Focus.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Was just posting on FB and made a realization!!
My purpose in life is to lower the curve for the rest of the world.
Finally, a realistic goal.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Sign in Hong Kong:
Please Wing The Bell
Elmer Fudd lives!!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Ron and his wife have been married for 40 years.
She's quiet, but solid.
She has stonewalled many of his ideas, however.