I hate my boss.

She gripes at me constantly, pushes me too hard,

and never believes my excuses when I call in sick.

Self-employment's tough.

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.  -Kurt Vonnegut

A signmaker finds Zen: You are here.

Sign at Yellowstone National Park?
 
No Celery Phones
 
Especially if they've gotten to that rubbery stage. Hate that...

So, it's March 15 and he calls the police to report that his outdoor Christmas decorations were smashed.
 
What's wrong with this picture?

There's a saying, "When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras."

Or at least detergent, not drugs.

Used cement instead of cilantro. And with my cooking, nobody noticed the difference.

Not really sure this sign was true for Arnold this year.

Perhaps it should be reworded, "Dads love some surprises!"

Don't know who took this photo -- but kudos to you, wherever you are!

Wow!
$5 Pictures of Beer!
 
I can do better than that.
 
Free Pictures of Money!!

Headline: City rejects claim by mauling survivors -- lawsuit is next step.

Dang! They could have just said no.

The World's Worst Blueberry Pie Recipe:

Pork, Water, Salt, Sugar, Spices, Paprika, Sodium Phosphates

Headline: Semi rig carrying fire extinguishers catches fire.
 
Would this be the definition of irony?

One picture is worth a thousand words... or at least 65 feet. 

Monday = Lowered Expectations.
Today I will try not to go to the Bahamas in my mind when people are talking to me.

Quote from candidate for Board of Education: The top half of students are well-educated. Bottom half receive extra help. But the middle half we are leaving out. (Be afraid!)

Because everything in her home is waterproof, the housewife of 2000 can do her daily cleaning with a hose.
 
If only....

Friends Don't Let Friends Type Drunk

Headline: Woman in sumo wrestler suit assaulted her ex-girlfriend in gay pub after she waved at man dressed as a Snickers bar
 
How much more is left to put in the article?

Today's Public Service Announcement: Red flags to look for when buying a used car.
 
Salvage yard = No

SIGN: Don't let worries kill you. Let the Church help. -- Honestly, I'm not sure this is effective advertising.

Headline: Army vehicle disappears.
First line: An Australian Army vehicle worth $74,000 has gone missing after  being painted with camouflage.
Thought: But wasn't that the point?

"Learn from the mistakes of others, because you can't live long enough to make them all yourself." - Eleanor Roosevelt. Great woman. This photo caption - not so great...

Today's Lesson: Find and Replace

Using "find and replace" is nice and easy in documents, but it's usually a good idea to accept each occurrence separately rather than to accept all without checking. Why? Because you could find yourself going from May to June issue by simply searching and replacing all the Mays with Junes. That would be fine if one of your columnists wasn't named "Mayo". Congratulations on the June column, Mr. Juneo.

I would never mention the name of the publication, but it starts with a C and ends with an enla Focus.

Was just posting on FB and made a realization!!
 
My purpose in life is to lower the curve for the rest of the world.
 
Finally, a realistic goal.

Sign in Hong Kong:
Please Wing The Bell
 
Conclusion:
Elmer Fudd lives!!

Ron and his wife have been married for 40 years.

She's quiet, but solid.

She has stonewalled many of his ideas, however.