Thursday, April 28, 2011

Advertisers are not responsible for mistakes maked by this publication. Perhaps a poor education system, alcohol consumption, or the 1970s are responsible ... but not advertisers...

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Let a smile be your umbrella. You'll drown, but at least you'll be smiling as you do it.

Monday, April 25, 2011

           Why do eating places think that we want to see the animal we’re about to eat as a cute little cartoon or picture on their sign? Surprise folks, but that smiling pig makes me think of Arnold from Green Acres and that pretty much ensures that I’ll be running to the veggie place next door.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Man executed after long speech. I think I was at that convention. In the words of my grandpa, "He needed killin'"...

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Hunter Safety Class???

Any thoughts on what the first lesson in this hunter safety class should be?

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Two sermons in the same day. 1) Preparing for Marriage. 2) A Look at Hell. Hmmmm... Was this really a coincidence??

Friday, April 15, 2011

Listen online from 5-6 pm CT today for an interview with me on Cenla Speaks Radio Show with Lyn Rollins. We'll even take phone calls. No heavy breathing suggested...

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Dramatic Chipmunk Ain't Got Nuthin' on Dramatic Cockatoo!

This shot is just the jpg version. The YouTube is yet to come, but this bird is scary... and so am I in this photo...

Cats. Because we don't get enough abuse from our bosses.

The Wisdom of El Gato

Maddux is much wiser than I. Of course, 99.97% of the world is, but I think when it’s a different species involved, it’s worth discussing. Maddux is my cat.

Maddux is named after the great pitcher, Greg Maddux. The first of the many things he handles better than I is failure. I would watch a baseball game and scream, cry, and tear my garments. (This was frowned on when I was actually in the stands for a game.) Maddux, when faced with the same game, would stretch, yawn, and change positions. A much better response and he never had to take Mylanta after a game.

Maddux handles stress much better than I. When faced with a day of great stress and a huge task list of things to do – such as shred the edge of the couch, cough up a hairball, and eat 13 times, Maddux simply takes one task at a time. He does not attempt to multi-task. This is probably a good thing because Fancy Feast and hairballs don’t mix well. At the end of a busy day, he looks pretty much the same as he did at the end of a quiet day. On the other paw, I usually end busy days with a hunch in my back, at least one new injury, and having coughed up a hairball too.

Maddux conserves his energy. Movement is considered an optional part of his day and one that he uses only after great consideration and snoring. Then, when it’s time to attack his little sister, Poe, he is a tightly coiled spring, ready to leap into action. And, if he changes his mind, he continues to conserve his energy for another day. Most days he changes his mind.

Maddux does not worry over current events. The only thing he uses the newspaper for is shredding. He does, however enjoy the game of “Jump up and down on top of the Sunday paper.” That’s mainly because he knows that Poe usually sleeps under the Sunday paper. He does have his mean streak.

Maddux does not force his beliefs on others -- unless it’s the belief that he should be fed every 1.75 hours. (In his defense, he thinks that’s a law, not a belief.) But for the most part, he’s more of a ‘live and let live’ soul, with the exception of small insects, area rugs, and the aforementioned Poe.

Maddux does not dwell on the past. I know this because I remember when he lived on the streets, eating rats and garbage scraps. He doesn’t. That’s obvious because he now turns up his nose at anything but the three selected flavors of Fancy Feast Primavera that he has now decided are to be his regular diet. I’m afraid my husband might have picked up some of those finicky eating habits. He doesn’t seem to remember when he used to eat the truck stop sandwich and giant coffee from 7-11 each day. He seemed less than thrilled at our Fancy Primavera Casserole this week.

So, my revised life goal is: I want to be like Maddux when I grow up. Minus the hairball thing.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Save the Cockroaches!!

Please don't throw your cigarette ends on the floor. The cockroaches are getting cancer.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Yes, a stolen painting was found by a tree.
What the article failed to mention was that this was a well-trained tree that had its private investigator's license and concealed carry permit.
Kids, don't try this at home.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

I got such a wonderful response from the headlines that I've been finding for my Business Writing seminars, that I decided to compile some of them on the blog here.
Keep watching -- there are bunches of good ones to come! And they're great to use in speeches, training sessions, or just to lighten up the mood in the office. 

Hooker Named Lay Person of the Year

Sometimes they just make it too easy for us...

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Why is it that I can remember all the verses of The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe, but frequently forget my own phone number?

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

After spending half an hour trying
to get my car out of the driveway
that had once again been blocked by a neighbor's car,
I created this sign.
I feel much better now.

Monday, April 4, 2011

If I look like a million dollars, does that mean I'm all wrinkled with a face from the 1800s?

Friday, April 1, 2011

Ideas for Fun @ Work Day

*Put your wastebasket on your desk and label it “In Basket”.

*Add the following disclaimer to all your memos and emails: Offer void in Canada and Dayton. Licensed drivers only.

*On your Microsoft Word documents, go to the File menu. Click on Properties. Go to the Summary tab. In the Title line, type, “If you are reading this, you have too much time on your hands.”

*Put up a sign on your cubicle that says, “Midlife Crisis in Progress. Enter at your own risk.” Watch how quiet your day becomes.

*Answer your phone like an answering machine. Tell them to leave a message, make the beeping sound, and then hang up before they have a chance to speak.

Remember the laughter these ideas gave you as you search for your next job!!??