My January Column is Now Online!

My latest column in City Social Magazine actually builds on the concept we've seen on Facebook of "You know you're from ... when you..." You can access it through page 26 on the link below the picture:

I Used to Skip -- Page 26

Happy 2012!
Christee

My monthly columns are now online!

This is so cool!! Click on the link below to go to the City Social Magazine site. Turn to page 48 and you can read my latest column called "Below See Level"! Enjoy!
Life's Lumps Column

Booksigning Dec 3 in Marksville LA

If you're out and about, join me Saturday, December 3, from 11-4 at Paragon Resort in Marksville. There will be a Holiday Market in the Atrium with gift ideas and, of course, autographed copies of In Celebration of Elastic Waistbands!

From actual court reporter documents in a book called "Disorder in the American Courts":


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan.

Toys for Tots ... Southern Style

In Celebration of Elastic Waistbands

Wrapping Malfunction

Buy In Celebration of Elastic Waistbands!

Advertisement: Get your picture with Santa and his belt-fed machine guns!
My thoughts: Wow! There's a shot in the arm for the old Christmas Spirit... and in the shoulder... probably the neck, back, and legs too.

So honored to be invited to this Saturday's HeartLA Romance Readers Luncheon in Baton Rouge, LA. Hope you'll join us!Romance Readers Luncheon

I had a blast at the Louisiana Book Festival this weekend and wanted to be sure that I could give back to the festival, so here's the deal. For every Kindle copy of my book sold through November 29th, $1 will be donated to the Louisiana Library Foundation. And remember: Carpe the Buffet!!

In Celebration of Elastic Waistbands on Kindle

Public Service Announcement: Bear Safety

Forgive me for the use of the bad word for 'poop' near the end of this sign.

Does this sign make me sound crotchety?

Good. That's what I was going for...

This here ad is fer Winder Cleaner.

Turlet Cleaner is more spensiv.

Authors are now in the driver's seat. Join me at the session on non-traditional publishing at La. Book Fest October 29. http://www.louisianabookfestival.org/Author_Atwood.html

Headline: Prosecutors want victim in courtroom during murder trial. Does anyone else see this as a bad idea?

 A computer once beat me at chess,

but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

                                                    - Emo Philips



In the thief's defense,
if you have a building on "U Take It Road",
you're pretty much asking for it...

I didn't know deer went in for kayaking.
I thought they preferred soccer.

You say "potato", I say "Homicide"

Slight error in headline:

Headline read "Stolen groceries" instead of "Homicide" ... yeah, that's an understandable mistake.

I'll be the featured speaker tomorrow at the 2011 Women's Conference in Baton Rouge.

The funny part of this? I don't have a voice right now. Throat is swollen and sore from allergies, so I've restructured this into an "audience participation" event.
Come join us and point at the girl who sounds like a frog. Info at http://www.wcgbr.com/news/main.asp?id=43

And under the heading of "missing the point":
Headline: Parents keep kids home to protest school closure.

Thank you to the great folks at Alexandria Sr. High who allowed me to speak at their Honor Roll Breakfast this morning. It was such a kick and I met some great and smart kids. Guess I'll meet them again when I apply to them for a job someday!
Buy the book!

Headline: Man called 911 requesting a hooker

I guess he had a different idea of what an emergency was...

Come play at the Louisiana BookFest October 29, 2011 

Click to go to the festival site for more details.

Can't you just smell the frustration?

While the Adopt A Street program was going quite nicely,

the companion program "Lynch 4th Graders" was not quite as popular.

SIGN ON BAHAMAS FERRY:

Life Vest Under Sea

Somehow I'd find that less than comforting...

I've always loved this

positive way of handling a negative situation:

Unattended children will be given

an espresso and a free puppy.

Insert your own joke here...



I love this saying: We're all turtles on fenceposts. We didn't get here by ourselves.

A third cousin, I think?

Woo hoo!! The Louisiana Book Festival is back!! And I am a Featured Author! (It's always good when events lower their standards like that...) Please join me and the other real writers on October 29 from 9 to 5 for a rip-roaring good time in downtown Baton Rouge and on the grounds of the Louisiana State Capitol, where I'll be speaking, signing books, and chasing people to give them free bookmarks.
Louisiana Book Festival

 Today's Book Quote:
Problems are only opportunities wearing trench coats and schnocker glasses.
Get a free sample of Elastic Waistbands here!



I'd credit this if I knew where it came from. Do you?



In Celebration of Elastic Waistbands is now on Kindle too! Download a free sample today & free Kindle pgm for your pc! Elastic Waistbands on Amazon

My book is now an ebook too!

http://www.amazon.com/Celebration-Elastic-Waistbands-ebook/dp/B005JJW78U/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1314665568&sr=8-10

Here is is!! Finally my book is available as an ebook! You can read it on your Kindle, your computer, your droid, you iPad, iPhone, Blackberry, or any other device that can handle the free Kindle app. And it costs less than half the price of the paperback.

$5.99 starts you reading. Get your copy today!

And under the heading of helpful signs...

Slow down. The cop hides behind this sign.

You'll never to work on time. HaHa! Some days I feel like this is in the fine print of every sign I pass.

The plastic chairs have already invaded the world of novelty tshirts!

I wish our government worked this fast.

Facebook is just rocking today! Saw this today after the Virginia earthquake, which had people saying, "I think the neighbor slammed their Lexus door too hard." Glad they're not going to let this keep them down.

Love this sign I found on Facebook:
If there is someone behind you and no one in front of you, then get out of this lane.

Finally! Help Desk instructions I can understand:

"If the Help Desk thinks your question is stupid,

we will set you on fire."

Is this a fall or choreography?

Remember: If you find yourself in a situation where you have to survive on wild mushrooms, the types of mushrooms you choose may give you very different experiences.

Headline: Hospitals resort to hiring doctors.
 
They're finding this bold move is working much better than their previous hiring of mimes, who kept getting stuck in those invisible boxes and missing scheduled surgeries.

I really appreciate a school with a sense of humor.
I appreciate even more that school starts earlier in my neck of the woods. Being a middle-aged woman, I just want my malls back...

This sign just made me laugh. And with the summer we've had in Louisiana, it just fits...

Speedbumps ahead?
 

Police find amazing new method to catch suspects. Officer yelled "Marco" and the suspect responded, "Polo"! Next week they plan to try "shave and a haircut" knocks and see if those work too.

News Flash: Most doctors agree that breathing regularly is good for you. 

 

What will they think of next?

Advertisement: Rocking Elmo!! Crap Your Hands!!!
 
Yuck!!!!

Hmmmm... Just signed up for Adsense to start actually getting money off advertising on my blog. All the ads they posted on here that are supposedly related to my blog posts are ads for depression treatments. Have I missed something?

Photo: Van hits house. What's funny?
 
The slogan on the side of the van: The Republican (Newspaper) ... Where the news hits home.
 
Some people take their slogans much too seriously.

It's funny all by itself, but I can't help it.

When I see this sign, I think of the line in "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"

where he says, "We thought you was a toad."

 

I need to get out more.

I hate my boss.

She gripes at me constantly, pushes me too hard,

and never believes my excuses when I call in sick.

Self-employment's tough.

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.  -Kurt Vonnegut

A signmaker finds Zen: You are here.

Sign at Yellowstone National Park?
 
No Celery Phones
 
Especially if they've gotten to that rubbery stage. Hate that...

So, it's March 15 and he calls the police to report that his outdoor Christmas decorations were smashed.
 
What's wrong with this picture?