Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Interviewing yourself is not as easy as it sounds...

As a part of my November virtual book tour, I thought I would try to interview myself today. I have enough personality splits that I thought this should be rather easy to accomplish.

However, in the middle of preparing for the interview, my humility and my ego got into a fight. Then my introverted alter-ego joined in and said that the idea of talking about myself was embarrassing. And once my A.D.H.D. side jumped in to say that it was bored, a slap-fight broke out.

This is the stageplay that takes place each day in my head. Is it a wonder that I write to get it all out???

So, once we all got calmed down, we agreed that perhaps the best interview would be the concepts that are at the basis of this whole Elastic Waistbands movement.

The following is an excerpt from my forthcoming book,

In Celebration of Elastic Waistbands.

I am a proud member of the Elastic Waistbands Society.

Actually, the society doesn’t exist yet, but I’m working on it. Why am I trying to start this group? I’m so glad you asked.

I am starting the Elastic Waistbands Society because I’ve realized that it is important to be healthy, but it’s also important to give ourselves a little leeway for the occasional times when other things take priority. Okay, yes, I’m living in the fat end of my closet right now, but it’s a visit, not a permanent address.

All of this made me realize that we need to give ourselves permission not to be perfect all the time … and nothing does that more than elastic waistbands. They are the magic tools that allow us to be size 12, when truly a size 14 would be more appropriate. They are the tools that show us that items can be stretched as needed and then happily return to their lovely original size. And elastic allows us to make full use of our investments at all-you-can-eat buffets.

What else do I, as the founding member of the Elastic Waistband Society, believe?

I believe…

• That a single waist size is the sign of a stagnant mind.

• That, if God had wanted me to stay one size, he wouldn’t have invented elastic.

• That dark chocolate is a necessary ingredient to a balanced life.

• That seeing my feet can be done with a mirror.

• That treadmills make excellent drying racks for sweaters.

• That exercise has caused more injuries than my couch.

• That Thomas Hancock, the inventor of elastic is the most brilliant person since Alexander Graham Bell and his invention of the long distance phone bill. And I believe that Hancock’s birthday should be made a national holiday. (A side note here: He originally named the machine that created elastic the “pickle” so no one would know what it was. Brilliant, I tell you, brilliant…)

• That laughing at myself is an effective exercise.

• That being comfortable in my own skin is more important than being comfortable in a size 6.

• That supersizing can be just as much fun for me as it is for my drive-thru order.

• That a big number on the bathroom scale is a temporary condition, but a big heart is forever.

• That airbrushed model’s figures are not good goals until we also have airbrushed lenses on our glasses.

• That, if a jolly belly is good enough for Santa, who am I to knock it?

• That elastic is the perfect invention. It shows flexibility, a willingness to grow or tighten up as needed, and that giving myself a little breathing space is not necessarily a bad thing.

So there you have it. I’m proud. I’m strong. And I’m wearing elastic. Bring on the Christmas dinner…


Nikki Leigh said...

Love the elastic detail. It does seemed to be an underappreciated invention -- by some people :)

Mrs. Claus pix were very nice :)

Nikki Leigh

Unknown said...

Thanks Nikki!!

I love all the finer things of life --

*wine in a box
*shopping on the discount racks in dollar stores
*anything with "slightly irregular" on the tag

and of course --
*elastic waistbands

Christee & her pet rubber chicken, Elvis