Favorite Quotes

I've been actually working lately and haven't had time to play on my blog. Yes, I'm actually writing business and training books lately. Be afraid. Be very afraid...

And sometimes when I get caught up in things, I need to take a moment and gather inspiration from people who have said things so much more eloquently than I ever could dream of doing.

And so, today, I'd like to share some of my favorite quotes with you...

• To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. Bernard M. Baruch

• Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. Groucho Marx

• Bumper Sticker: Si hoc adfixum in obice legere potes, et liberaliter educatus et nimis propinquus ades. (If you can read this bumper sticker, you are both very well educated and much too close.)

• If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning. Catherine Aird

• I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is ready for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter. Winston Churchill on his 75th birthday

• My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. Erma Bombeck

• It isn’t for the moment you are struck that you need courage, but for the long uphill climb back to sanity and faith and security. Anne Morrow Lindbergh

• Old age ain’t for sissies. Bette Davis

• You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again. Joan Rivers

• We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction. General Douglas MacArthur

• I worship the quicksand he walks in. Art Buchwald

• I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it. Groucho Marx

• I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. Frank Lloyd Wright

• Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped. African proverb

• A reporter asked Brigadier General Wilma Vaught: What did you want to be when you grew up?” She answered “In charge.”

• She changed her mind, but it didn’t work any better than the old one. Henny Youngman

• If you can laugh at it, you can live with it. Erma Bombeck

• I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. Janette Barber

I love the story of former President Lyndon Johnson walking through NASA. He came upon a janitor and asked the man what his job was. The man didn’t even hesitate. He answered, “I’m helping put a man on the moon.” If only we all understood our place in the big picture that clearly…

Just some thoughts for today. Now I'll get back to work...

Christee & the rubber chicken, Elvis

Friends Before Breasts

After thirty-something years I finally reconnected with friends from my elementary school days. And I made some realizations.

There are some words that can only be shared with those you knew before you had breasts. (Gentlemen, add your own comparable experiences. I won’t even try…) Yes, there are things that can be said only to friends from the time before you knew how to hide your warts. To people you could ask what ‘that word’ meant. To people you envied and loved at the same time.

The funny thing is to talk to these friends decades later and realize that they thought you were okay – even as you were busy being embarrassed because everybody else seemed normal and you felt so inferior. And then you realize that they felt the same way.
What a joy. What a release. What a wonderful discovery. And now I realize – what perfect timing.

Our group of four musketeers got together for the first time in over 30 years last summer. We rediscovered each other in person, by email, and by phone, and realized that the very things that drew us together as young compatriots were still there. That we actually liked each other as adults. And that we had someone to talk to when tragedy fell. And it did.

Our artistic musketeer’s tragedy fell when she discovered that her marriage was over. And she picked right up and amazed us with her strength. She cursed a little, dusted off her feelings, and began to build a new life. The girl is beautiful inside and out, and has reminded us that being part of a pair is nice, but being a whole person is essential…

And then, the unthinkable. The musketeer with the biggest heart got the call that no one is ever prepared for. Her soulmate -- and a gentler, kinder, more supportive soul I’ve never met -- had left his heaven on earth with her and was moving on to his next adventure. This reminded the musketeers what it meant to be there for each other. And just as we would have guessed, she put herself into taking care of others at the local food pantry instead of insisting that she needed to be taken care of. The phrase ‘steel magnolia’ comes to mind…

Thank goodness our lifeline musketeer has been on duty through all of this. She’s the evergreen vine that keeps the musketeers connected. So, while the rest of us get lost from time to time, we know this musketeer will always be ready when we find ourselves again. She remembers to be there for us even when there’s not a tragedy to remind her. What an incredible gift…

Then there’s the last musketeer. She gets lost a lot. She’s busy chasing rainbows that aren’t as pretty when she catches them. And she forgets what’s important, but she’s relearning. She is remembering why these musketeers make life worth living even when the tragedies fall. And she realizes that the other musketeers might even need her a little. She knows she needs them and she won’t lose them again.

One for all and all for one, my friends.
***

This is dedicated to all the musketeers we’ve lost touch with through the years in hopes that you’ll take the time to contact one today and remember the joy of those simple friendships.

I won I won!!

Upcoming Event

In case you'd like to visit and are in the Baton Rouge area -- check out my presentation that I'll be doing for the Baton Rouge chapter of ASTD on December 11, 2008. It's called "But UnSeriously Folks!"



http://chapters.astd.org/SiteDirectory/NewOrleans/Pages/Events/Chapter%20Events/EventDescriptions.aspx?Event=12&recur=&ParentUrl=/Pages/Events/RegionalCalendar.aspx&ID=http://chapters.astd.org/SiteDirectory/BatonRouge

Talking To My Arm

I’ve taken up a new hobby. And yes, you’re going to laugh, but that’s a good thing… After all, this is supposed to be a humorous blog…

My new hobby is ventriloquism. Why, you ask? Why would someone take up something that is considered a dying art? You might also ask why I took six years of Latin in school, which is considered a dead language. It’s because I fly in the face of convention. Because I fly in the face of popular opinion. Because I also fly in the face of good taste.

But, for you to really understand, I’ll have to let you listen in on a conversation with my alter ego.

Me: Meet Sophie, my dummy.

Sophie: Who are you calling a dummy?

Me: Sophie, it’s just your designation. One of us has to be the person. The other is the dummy.

Sophie: You picked the wrong one.

Me: Sophie is also my inner critic.

Sophie: There’s a problem with that. Have you looked at the end of your arm?

Me: What?

Sophie: Your ‘inner’ critic is on the outside. More specifically I’m on your arm.

Me: Yeah, I know. But this is a really big thing for me. You see, normally I talk to myself a lot. Now I’m talking to someone else, so I don’t look as crazy.

Sophie: You’re talking to your arm.

Me: No, I’m talking to you.

Sophie: Do I have to repeat that ‘end of your arm’ speech?

Me: But it’s different when there’s somebody on the end of my arm.

Sophie: Somebody? I’m a piece of material, a little vinyl, with a hand up my …

Me: Whoa! This is a family blog. Hey, you know, this ventriloquism thing is a lot easier than I expected.

Sophie: Excuse me, dear… But there’s another problem. Most ventriloquism is done when people can see your lips.

Me: I’m keeping it simple at this point.

Sophie: Simple, yeah, yeah. Why did you really pick this hobby?

Me: Why do you think there’s another reason?

Sophie: The arm knows all.

Me: Okay, you’re right. Actually, it’s all about psychology.

Sophie: Explain.

Me: I need therapy. I’m self-employed. Can’t afford a psychiatrist, so I’ll settle for talking to you.

Sophie: Do you know how sad that is?

Me: Of course, I know. But you already know I have a split personality. At least now it’s in a socially acceptable format.

Sophie: Socially acceptable? Do you realize how uncool ventriloquism is? Good grief, woman, don’t you realize that, while cars will at least swerve to miss a mime, they’ll actually aim for ventriloquists?

Me: Whatever you say. Which brings up the other psychological reason for this hobby. I’m not assertive.

Sophie: That I’ll go along with. You’ve got all the backbone of a salted slug.

Me: Thanks for that visual.

Sophie: So, what you mean is that I’m here to say the things you don’t have the nerve to say?

Me: That’s the gist of it.

Sophie: That’s a little pitiful, don’t you think?

Me: Welcome to the craziness of my mind.

Sophie: Actually Christee, I’m happy to be here. It’s the only place I feel at home.

Me: Hey folks, we’ll be here all month. So you’d better move on to another blog. And don’t forget to tip your waitress…

NaNoWriMo is on...

Losing Found Time

Sometimes it’s a little embarrassing to realize that you’ve totally missed the point of a new discovery.

I realize this as I play with my favorite birthday gift to myself – my vacuuming robot. Yes, I was drinking wine again while watching one of the television shopping networks. But this time I was actually sober enough to notice something useful. And when my new little friend appeared on my porch today, I realized that life would never be the same.

This incredible little toy looks like a stack of paper plates and runs around the house and vacuums while I do other things. The point of this is so that I don’t have to waste time on silly things like cleaning floors, and instead I can work on books, client projects, family matters, and even paying household bills on time.

Now this all sounds quite grownup, doesn’t it? And yet, here I sit on a Saturday morning, watching Hazel (I’m trying that name on for size) vacuum my living room. My husband comes in.

“A real timesaver, huh?”

“Absolutely!” I agree with relish. I’d agree with a hot dog too, but it’s a little early in the day for that.

“So, what are you going to do now?”

Oh, I just thought I’d keep Hazel company.”

He is plussed. (I’ve always thought that if people can be nonplussed, they should be able to be plussed too.) “You do know that it’s not alive, right?”

“Of course. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t need company.”

“Of course.” Yeah, I know he’s humoring me, but what do I care? I’ve got a robot vacuuming my house.

“So, you’re not going to do anything else with this ‘found’ time?”

“I was thinking about having a Bloody Mary.”

“That’s all you’re going to do with this free time?”

I nod. “You’re right. That’s just silly of me. I think I’ll also have a Mimosa.”

He shakes his head and retreats to the back of the house.

No, I don’t really drink that much, but it’s a great way to scare off a spouse who looks like he has a great idea of something you could do with your spare time. If God had wanted me to clean that kitchen, he wouldn’t have made old bread turn into penicillin.

Besides, right now I’m thinking of other uses for the robot. It’s diverting my cats’ attention away from forcing their way onto my lap while I try to type, so I’m thinking about attaching a tail to Hazel and see if I can get them to chase it around with dusting cloths on their feet. That could double the use of the cleaning time.

For Halloween, I think Hazel is going to be a bat. The ears and wings will be so cute and she can carry the candy bowl on her back so I don’t even have to stand up when kids come to the door.
And, the coup de grâce (or is it Coupe DeVille?) is that I can sit and watch Hazel and try to think of even more uses for her so I can avoid using my ‘found’ time to address work, family, and bill-paying.

Now, if I can just teach her that I prefer two olives in my martini.

NaNoWriMo

This is the countdown week to National Novel Writing Month.

On Saturday, November 1, you can join over 100,000 people in 80 countries as they attempt to slam out 50,000 words in 30 days. That's not so bad. It's less than 2,000 words per day. And they don't even have to be good words. Heck, you've read my columns, you know that most of my words aren't good words...

Think about it!

Check it out at NaNoWriMo.org and visit me in the Louisiana: Elsewhere region!

I've already changed my novel's plot three times. No idea what it will be by Saturday. But that's what makes this so much fun.

Doing It Again?!

Yes, once again, I am engaging in the insanity of National Novel Writing Month... and I couldn't be more thrilled.

I'll be serving as the Municipal Liaison for the Louisiana-Elsewhere Region and you are cordially invited to join us as we pound out 50,000 words in the month of November. Words... No promise of plot, quality, or even subject-verb connections.

Check it out at NaNoWriMo.org and join us for a month to write a book -- just because...

Christee

Presentation Tips Podcast

Oh what fun!

ASTD Press, the publisher who does my business and training books, has been hard at work creating webpages for its authors.

One of my pages is located at
http://www.astd.org/content/publications/ASTDPress/bookSearch/ManagerSkillsTraining.htm

It has info on some of my books, an interview with me done in San Diego and a neat little podcast that we did about the best way to end a presentation. If you'd like to check it out, you can listen by clicking below.

Click to hear Christee Atwood presentation tips MP3.

By the way, the golden voiced fellow who intros it is my hubbie. I can talk that man into anything with the promise of a peach cobbler...